The Perfect Bag……

Ah, that most elusive of inanimate objects, the Perfect Bag.

Each woman has her own thoughts as to the construction of the Perfect Bag based on her personal needs, and I am no different, at least not in that regard.

My perfect bag would be created thusly:  a large, simple messenger bag shape made from clear, supple leather; probably Italian leather, with a large flap covering the entire front of the bag.  Under the flap on the outside of the bag will be a wide zip pocket for receipts and grocery lists, playlists and concert programs.  The back of the bag that rests against the body will have a similar zip pocket for small notebooks,  purchase coupons for the usual suspects, and a wee French trousse.  Ideally, the inside of the overflap that covers front of the bag would have a third zip pocket, to cover overflow from the first two.  One must use this pocket with extreme care to avoid unsightly bulges.

Now:  the interior.  This is of paramount importance since it will not only  provide you a home away from home, as it were, but also a true home for….but I digress.

The interior of the Perfect Bag will have two generous compartments, bisected by a zip compartment the size of those on either side.  One of the compartments on either side will have pockets sewn into it to house the unnecessary and annoying cell phone, two pens, and a spare pair of bifocals.  There are times when you will be doing some serious shopping and you will need those glasses to see your choices clearly to avoid looking like a refugee from Carnivale

And those SHOES!! So:  don’t waste time on empty vanity. The compartments themselves will hold your wallet, your partner’s wallet, your checkbook, a hardback copy of “Harry potter and the Deathly Hallows” or, if you are shallow and pretentious and want to impress strangers, a copy of “Middlemarch” which you will never read.  The other compartment will handily carry your screwdriver, measuring tape, a tube of E6000 in a plastic ziploc bag, another ziploc bag holding baby carrots and cherries, and a Flogging Molly cd.

Now we come to the middle zipper compartment.  You will need to search carefully for the furnishings for this compartment since its inhabitants tend to be fussy and cranky if crossed.  you will need to find, in very tiny forms, a fold out couch, a really really tiny cat bed, a minute bookshelf, an overstuffed eeentsy chair (with hassock)  and a thin wide-screen tv, the term ‘wide screen’ being relative here.  you will also need a postage stamp sized fridge, and this is not a simple item to locate.  I speak from experience.  keep the fridge filled, some suggestions are tiny wild strawberries, pepitas (unsalted) and once in awhile a quarter inch of a twinkie or spicy turkey jerkey.  you will receive notice when your services are needed in this regard.

This may sound a little out of the ordinary for a bag, but when it was suggested to me that I write of the Perfect Bag, I assumed that the word Perfect was the operative word.  The above described bag is perfect, in all aspects, and if you maintain a slavish devotion to the needs of the inhabitants of Middle Zipperton, you will reap rewards beyond your ken.  there is one more zipper pocket….toward the bottom of the outside of Middle Zipperton.  when you run short of what P.G. Wodehouse used to refer to as “the brightest and best”, that is to say,  should you become financially embarrassed at any point, unzip the lower compartment.  if you have been keeping your end of the bargain…..you’ll will never have to worry about the accumulation of filthy lucre again.  Never.

Just keep those pepitas coming.  and should you have a request for something more unusual….find it.  They mean it.  At night you might want to put your Perfect Bag in the closet since the inhabitants tend to get a little noisy on the weekends.  Believe me, these little inconveniences are more than overshadowed by the blessings.  Enjoy. Posted by Susan.

Find more art by Susan and Dennis at : Galerie Yggdrasil

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2 Responses to “The Perfect Bag……”

  1. Jeanne Desy Says:

    This is absolutely marvelous. So is the drawing.
    It is the perfect bag. I want it too. I imagine it’s somewhere on Zappo’s. Or almost.

  2. susan owen Says:

    thank you jeanne….i have a couple of perfect bags. got them in alencon, both from the same shoppe, and my daughter bought me the perfect red bag in indianapolis somewhere. don’t bother with coach, they just don’t have it anymore. the only difficulty is finding the perfect furnishings…..

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