Salmonella…….

Skosh’s new friends joined the usual suspects this afternoon for a little snack and a dvd or two, which Vlad picked up on the way over to the house.  I was introduced to the four babyvamps and found them delightful…polite, soft-spoken and easy to talk to.  I put out a puu puu platter of the everpresent bologna sandwiches (carefully cut in triangles as per skosh’s request) Sunchips, pretty little bowls of nectar and a variety of seeds and bits of greenery for ‘neckers and Heather….Also chocolate sprinkles, although where Heather got a letch for chocolate is beyond me.  Probably sneaking the odd beakful of Godivas from her mothers party plates, I expect.  Not to neglect my new guests, around the edges of the platter I put huge piles of cherry tomatoes, quartered beefsteak tomatoes, and glasses of v8 with straws for the b.v.’s. I discovered that  trying to drink from glasses  is not only difficult for vampires but also quite messy…not that red splatters all over the floors and walls bothers the kids..actually, quite the opposite.  Doesn’t exactly thrill the one-woman clean up crew, however…me.

All seemed well, happy chatter and clinking and the dulcet tones of Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga and (thank heaven) Flogging Molly emanating from Skosh’s room, just the usual sounds of an afternoon get together…that is, until the dvd was put into the player, at which point all hell broke loose. Some sounds from Skosh that I had never heard before…Native American war whoops, rumbling of tanks, and what i can only assume were the feeding sounds of the tyrannosaurus rex, interspersed with hissings and profanity from the male members of the vamp family.  under all this cacophony i could hear Mina and Heather….”you turn that off and we will peck/fang you to death for sure you chauvinist pig idiots we have to put up with your PPPEEEEEEEPSKWAWWWWK damn war games and we want to SEE THIS SO SHUT IT and then further grumblings from the male contingent.

Tentatively tapping on the door, I discovered that at the rental store, the stoner behind the counter had mistakenly put the wrong dvd in the right box and although Vlad thought he rented a special favorite of the vamps that he had got as a special treat for the Skosh contingent, called “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”, what they had in reality rented was an old disney knockoff, a chick flick called “Salmonella”,which delighted the girls and they were determined to watch it.  Despite grumbling from the males in the group the ladies won the day and watch it they did.  Heather told me the plot after the film was over so I am herein relating it to you, exactly as it was told to me by Heather.  Next time I imagine Vlad will check the dvd box to make sure he is getting his chosen film, but this one sounded fine to me……too bad, fellas, I’m with the girls on this one.

Salmonella:  plot synopsis by Heather Pinfeather

When Mackenzie salmon was newly hatched her mother used to put her to sleep by reading fish tales to her.  Her favorite one was the one about the teen salmon who has a fishy godmother, a fat cod with gossamer wings, who gives the young salmon a tiara and totally cool shoes and sends her to the ball at the prince’s palace and he is a total babe and sweeps her away to the mountains forever and ever.

Mackenzie believes this with all her little heart and lo and behold, when she turns 15, here comes the fat cod with a shoebox from Manolo’s and a Major Dress!  And ball tickets, omg!!  Mackenzie is sure this is her big chance to shine so she swallows the lump in her throat that might just be a bug or something and off she goes to the ball.

The music is a little dorky but the palace is gorgeous and Mackenzie is just waiting for the prince to come for her where she is hanging out by the buffet table, posing attractively.  Finally he arrives, to much fanfare, but when Mackenzie gets a look at this creep in full spawn attire, she says to herself, NO WAY HE’S ORANGE AND STUFF and omg look at that snout on him, no WAY, and hurries to the lap pool to text her best friend Cooper to come and get her RIGHT NOW BESTIE YOU GOTTA HELP ME  and out the double doors to the red carpeted stairs she races, losing one of the Manolos in the process.  How awful but ewww, that prince, and happily as she reaches the bottom of the stairs, there is her bff Cooper in the new Squash 88 that her parents got her for graduation.

Off the girls speed, narrowly missing two footmen and a large playing card (where did that come from, omg) and Mackenzie decides from that moment on she will be a lot more careful concerning which fables she chooses to embrace.  It IS too bad about the shoe, though.

Posted by Susan.  Find prints by Susan and Dennis at Galerie Yggdrasil

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