Faux News……..

                                                         Faux News.  Pastels and ink by Susan Owen

The house still smells like smoke.

I suppose it is my fault, when it comes down to it.  I am an avid watcher of Rachael Maddow and have been  joyously  awaiting the return of Keith Olbermann and the Countdown show on Current tv.  The kids didn’t seem to pay attention most of the time since they are customarily in Skosh’s room either listening to unintelligible music, playing games on the computer or endlessly snacking.  Since the advent of the babyvamps, I cannot count the pounds of tomatoes I have gone through, and even Heather seems to have developed a taste for the odd beakful of bologna…go figure.   Three days ago, however, the sounds from the kid cave seemed different on many levels.

What music there was coming from skosh’s room was in brief spurts and sounded wrong somehow, rather like something one would hear at a parade for the ku klux klan, and there was a lot of alternate shrieking,, howling and mumbling.  I could hear a few comments from the young ones but nothing I could make out…however, as the time wore on and the mumbling raised in volume, I could hear a few words now and then from the flatscreen, such as ‘Jesus’, ‘kill’, ‘army of god’, ‘outrage’, and my all time favorite, “liberals!!” This latter word spoken much as a viking would howl “kreegah!!” or something of that nature.  Hmmmm.

The kids began to mutter imprecations and from what I could gather from their tone, they were becoming restless.  in the world of Skosh, restless does not bode well.  I was on my way to his room to see for myself what mischief was afoot when the whole back of the house erupted in chaos.  There was a loud uncontrolled hissing from the babyvamps such as I have never heard, especially from the twins, Tad and Vlad, since they are the older of the lot and their voices are changing which makes for an interesting tonality.  Heather was peeping in shrill outrage, in counterpoint to the higher notes of Neckers and his brother Neil, who was clearly so upset that for once he forgot he was not a rooster and reverted to very angry hummingbird status.  I hurried my pace but didn’t reach the door in time and there was a wall-shaking roar and the entire door caught on fire.

What fresh hell is this, he knows better than to…I thought as I raced for the nearest extinguisher.  It took about half an hour to extinguish the door and about half of his room. Naturally the flatscreen was untouched by damage but his “How to train your dragon”. “Eragon” “Smaug” and “Jabberwock” posters are waaaay history.  Calming the cru down was even harder than taming the smoldering ruins, but eventually I got the story out of them.

I didn’t have the heart to ground Skosh for singeing even though he knows it is totally and at all times verboten, because in truth this was a breach I could understand full well.  It seems that the kids decided to see how the other half rants, and had been watching Faux News.  As the afternoon wore on and the lunacy escalated, so did heir tempers at the outlandish silliness of show after show but they managed to hold their tempers in until the very end when from what i can gather, there was a 10 minute interview with Blareah Failin.  ten minutes…apparently, as long as she can appear even remotely sane in public…but it was enough to flip the kids over into full-on outrage mode.  Skosh said he couldn’t help it, it just got away from him, and he’d never do it again and Heather said totally fer sure, like…ewwww….Mina was in a corner terrorizing  an heirloom tomato and snarling sotto voce about “feminissssssss revolution”.   Neckers and Neil decided they were thirsty after all that smoke and were heavily into the nectar, hopefully non-fermented, but who can tell….and Tad and Vald were piling their unruly, heavy hair on top of their heads,donning pairs of my glasses, and laughing..”nudge, nudge” said Tad, while Vlad responded with “WANK….WANK!!”  and Skosh announced that he might just take a little flight to the studios of Faux news and show them just exactly what the meaning of ‘flame wars’ really is. I know better than to reprimand him until he settles down since I tried it once.  Ow. hot. Ow.

All in all, it could have turned out worse.  Tonight we will all settle in with a few hours of Hetty Wainthropp mysteries on dvd and some parmesan popcorn. Oh, yes…and chips with marinara dip, And for the rest of the night, all is forgiven.  we shall no more speak of this.  But I swear, young man, if you EVER,  and I mean, EV….Ow. Hot.

Posted by Susan. Shop Galerie Yggdrill  where you will find many items that smell slightly of smoke.


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