Archive for December, 2012

Wall Street…

December 11, 2012

WallStreet web rev

It takes a village to make the street…..


Reading from the upper left corner across the page to the lower right corner like a book.

1)Doris Day Hyland is stuck in the 50’s.  Her mommy and daddy left her a lovely little portfolio of stocks, she thinks they are stocks, anyhow, but she is helpless when it comes to financial matters so she needs to wait until she catches  a husband to have him handle it for her.  Women are just no good at these things.

2)  Elrond Flench is the lead shrieker in an up and coming slasher band, Larj Yntestyn. Although he is sure that his band will be HUGE, he is very cautious and conservative in his investments, because after all, you never know for certain.

3)  Sarah Glumstein doesn’t trust banks.  They’re out to get you, you can’t trust ’em, but she makes sure that her son morty, the doctor, invests part of his formidable income monthly.  Morty is a gynecologist at Feldman Hospital, and she wants him to be able to afford to have a wing put on the hospital in her name before she goes to her reward.  God grant it should be soon, with all her suffering, but not before the wing is built.

4)  Kimber Lee Slutsky.  Kimber has the intellectual powers of a pound of Velveeta, and the attention span of a mayfly.  Stock market?  Ew.  Kimber doesn’t give a happy rat.

5) This is Lika.  She is a supermodel who lives on lettuce leaves carefully spread with dijon mustard and pharmaceutical cocaine. Lika gets paid $7,500 an hour to slump sensually on antique loveseats wearing couture that costs more than she makes.  Lika doesn’t give a happy rat, either.

6)  These two gentlemen are our brokers.  Erik is certain that his investments and his relationship with Bill are forever secure.  Bill is not so sure.  He has been seeing Carlos on the side.  Carlos is much too young and the relationship cannot possibly go anywhere, and he does want to be with Erik for the long haul…but still.

7)  This is Rusty.  He is 11 and cannot really purchase stocks on his own without his father’s credit card…about which we shall say no more.  Rusty checks the stock market on line in the morning before school, in the afternoon when he gets home, and last thing at night before bed.  His future is crystal clear to him.  When he is older he will be ruthless, relentless, cold and calculating, and will be the most powerful man in the country by the age of 35.

8) Myra Fielding (of the Boston Fieldings) married well and nagged her husband into an early grave.  He left her almost insanely well off, leaving her mountains of stocks, bonds, property and laundered accounts in the Caymans.  Even so, Myra still argues with the butcher, the grocer, and her hairdresser to get the prices of her purchases reduced, and ridiculously underpays her staff.  She does this because she can, and because she hates everyone and everything.  No, she isn’t a sad lonely woman.  She really really likes being a nasty bitch.

9)  “Fat Flash” Del Mar is Myra’s gardener and the only human being that Myra likes, however grudgingly.  She pays him more than anyone else could even dream of getting from her.  Flash knows about the Caymans. He knows a lot.  he plays bass guitar in Elrond’s band in his off time just for fun.

10)  This is Susie.  She and Rusty have been best friends since kindergarten and they have similar lifestyle plans.  Susie checked around with all the local banks until she found the one giving the best interest on long-term savings and she and Rusty have been salting away their allowances, Rusty’s New York Times paper route, and Susie’s baby sitting money, for two years.  When they are old enough they will marry and become the Masters of the Universe.

11)  Charlette has been careful with his investments.  He has sold when necessary, bought when the time was right, and as a result has made far more than she needs to complete her sex change operation and still live the life he has chosen for herself.  Atta boy,  Charlette.

12)  This throwback is Gort.  His father is a wealthy industrialist and so Gort has been able thus far to devote his life to skateboarding and Ecstasy.  Daddy has always doted on his tattered scion, but of late has been running out of patience.  Quickly.  Gort is in for a big,nasty surprise very soon.

13)  Emily Brown is an ex-kindergarten teacher.  The ex- part is due to her spare the rod, spoil the child attitude.  She told the parents of the child in question that it was just a scratch, the child was notorious for not listening, and anyway young children don’t scar the way adults do, but the parents were just so unreasonable.  In any case, due to her careful planning, she will soon be able to sell enough of her stock to open her own preschool.

4)  This is DeQuon Williams.  He is home from his studies at the Sorbonne for a few weeks to visit his family.  He speaks English, French, German and Swahili.  Thanks to his careful stock purchases all through high school, he is able to pay his way through college and grad school with plenty left to start his own business.

15)  Say hello to Chastity Bent, a conservative fundamentalist Christian.  She has bought stock pretty much willy-nilly by opening the bible, pointing to a passage with her eyes closed, and buying whatever stock she believes God showed her with his holy word.  If she loses money, well, that was God’s will, and besides, she can always make more at her profession as a high-end call girl.

Posted by Susan. You can purchase Wall Street (with all the stories printed on a separate sheet) at  Galerie Yggdrasil   Our Etsy store.